What to Do About Guilt
Written by Eric Engel
I want to paint a picture for you. John Doe comes home from work and
confesses to his wife that he’s done something so terrible, so damaging
to their relationship, that he’s afraid she’ll never forgive him. And
then he tells her what it is.
Jane Doe (the wife) is angry. She storms out of the room uttering all
sorts of words I couldn’t possibly use in this article. John is left
sitting at the kitchen table…wondering what his next move should be.
It’s not that he’s afraid of Jane’s wrath. It’s not that he wonders
whether or not she’ll forgive him. These are problems…but they’re not
the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that he doesn’t feel that
he’s worthy of her forgiveness. He’s feeling guilt.
Well maybe that isn’t a problem…but it could be, depending on how he
handles it. Suppose he’s afraid to approach her. He lives through the
worst kind of silence man knows…the silence of a not-talking wife. It
goes on for weeks, yet he won’t approach her. Finally, they split up,
and he blames it on his original mistake. But he’ll never really know
what split them apart, because he never bothered to ask for her mercy.
This isn’t guilt anymore…it’s despair.
John’s biggest problem would be that he never let Jane decide whether or
not she would forgive him. He shut himself out because he thought he
wasn’t worthy…which points to an even larger problem. The fact that he,
at one time, thought he was worthy. The key to keeping a marriage fresh
is always trying to better ourselves for our spouse. Never ceasing our
heroic attempts to win their hearts. Battling our inaptness in hopes
that they’ll at least give us credit for our effort.
When we see justification, the magic of heroism dies. When we think
we deserve the love of another, we breed familiarity…which breeds
contempt. And when we’re suddenly cornered in the ugly gloom of guilt,
where is the hope?
And if John decides to ask for Jane’s forgiveness, he might stand a
chance. And then he can begin to turn this guilt into a force…one that
never stops nagging him to do better. Not because of the right or wrong,
but because she deserves better.
Then again maybe she won’t forgive him. Because maybe she’s human and
can’t accept betrayal. When it comes time to prove her love, she might
crack…and she’s human.
But there is one human who will always forgive. There is someone who has
already proven His love. He won’t crack. He hasn’t cracked. And we won’t
ever be worthy of His mercy, but it’s there all the same. All we have to
do is approach Him
About Author
Written by Eric Engel, chief editor of
The Catholic Letter at
http://thecatholicletter.com
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